Vege-don'tcare-ian

Have you ever noticed how some vegetarians/vegans try to incorporate their eating habits into their personalities? Often, the fact that they don’t eat meat isn’t a by-the-by, or something that you discover a while into your friendship with them when you have them round for dinner; it is who they are. You click on their Facebook page and their “about me” section includes the line: “I am a vegetarian”. They’ve joined Facebook groups such as “Bitch, please…I’m vegetarian” and “…ACTUALLY I’m a vegetarian”, presumably in a bid to fill the big fat meat-free void in their lives with vast quantities of superiority.

I don’t want to know that you only eat vegetables! It’s like you telling me that you only do a jobby every Sunday- it makes me feel sad. To mention it in passing is acceptable, but to say you’re a vegetarian before launching, unprovoked, into a monologue containing the reasons for your bacon-deprived life is unnecessary. As I’m writing this, I’m beginning to disagree with myself. I’m thinking that, actually, sometimes it is quite interesting to find out why someone has turned to the dark side.

Wait a minute though- why do they get special treatment? It never crosses my mind to tell people that I’m an omnivore. A veggie will wait expectantly for you to ask them why they don’t eat meat, but when was the last time you heard the question: “So, how come you’re an omnivore then?”

Give yourself some special treatment, fellow omnivores. Tell people your reasons for eating whatever you like. Feel no shame in admitting that you’re too shady and selfish to care about animals when they taste so delicious. Then treat yourself to steak and potatoes, and relish the fact that you are eating vegetables in the most enjoyable way possible- with a big slab of meat.