Wishaw > Glenrothes? Aye right.

Glenrothes has been named the most dismal town in Scotland. I've never been to Glenrothes before, but now I'm desperate to go. Seriously, next time I've got a day off and time to kill, I'm going to Glenrothes. I simply must see the town in Scotland which has beaten Wishaw to the title of Most Dismal.

Apparently, "Judges felt Glenrothes had failed to move with the times and said the town's Kingdom Centre shopping mall felt like a 1980s "timewarp". "

Have they never been to the Fourways Shopping Mall in Wishaw? Don't know why they've spelt it mall- it should be spelt maul, considering that's what it does to your senses. It is a hub for sweaty people with weeping sores and mouths like chickens arses. There is a pet shop where people can buy 20 budgies to add to their collection of 6 cats, 8 greyhounds, and 23 ferrets. There is a hairdresser who will only cut your hair into a mullet. There is a cafe in which you can purchase a roll and lard. Someone once got stabbed outside the Fourways.

You only need to drive through Wishaw in order to feel both sad and unwashed. Look out your window and you will see thousands of hollow eyes staring at you from grey faces. Even the ethnic minorities have grey skin. Everyone under the age of 14 is pregnant, even the boys. Life expectancy there is so low that you receive your pension at 18. You're posh in Wishaw if you shop in Lidl; most people graze in bins.

Legend has it that the person who named Wishaw was writing Wishawisnaehere on the sign, but someone kicked his head in before he could finish.